Cartoon Crush Thunderdome: Chick Edition

Okay, I promised it and now it's here.

Recently, I did an informal countdown of Cartoon Crushes. Of course, all of those were male as that was the "dude edition." And I know it will surprise everyone that both of these "thunderdomes," are informal. That's right. There's been no extensive research. No focus groups. No experimentation.

It's raw. So, here it is:

Cartoon Crush Thunderdome: Chick Edition

RAW!

1. She-Ra

Blonde, hot and sexy. At blondeheroine.com, that's just the way we like 'em. There are many pros when it comes to She-Ra. She's strong, so she won't be all wimpy and whiny and never be able to open a jar of mayonnaise. She doesn't wear a lot of clothes, but she looks as if she'd look good naked, so it's not as if you're going to be going to a theme park with someone in an ill-fitting tube top and have to pretend you don't know them. She's got a magic sword. Which is usually something guys claim to have, but so rarely do.

2. Daphne from Scooby-Doo

I always liked the way Daphne stood. It was very unnatural, yet sexy-like. Her legs were like toothpicks and she always had this look of utter boredom as if she was just dying to get back to the Mystery Van and get it on with Fred. She wouldn't have a problem making it in the corporate world, either, if you're down for those power-suit kinda girls. When Velma and Fred would be busy trying to figure out what was going down with whatever old fool was trying to vex those meddlin' kids, she'd wait it out until the others had gotten their hands dirty and then show up near the end to take all the credit. She's a total bitch, but she's probably down for a shag in the Mystery Van.

3. Jasmine from Aladdin

This chick earns the term, "shexy." Like any hot chick, she's a little bossy, but not too much. She won't get on your nerves by being a total control freak, but she's not going to take your bull, either. Of course, she might be a bit difficult to please since she seems to love those magic carpet rides so much. Well, you don't know what you can see......

4. April O' Neil from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Here's one for all y'all hardcore geeks out there in blog land. April O' Neil seems like one of those girls that could be real ugly if she wanted to which can be a real asset if you're going to go on an undercover sting or take part in an ugly contest. And let's face it: All real girls can get real ugly when they want to. April also had that Lois Lane thing going on. Not to mention the fact that, being tight with the Turtles, she could probably get them to attend your bachelor party like you know you dream about in the dark recesses of the night.

5. Teela from He-Man

Remember how Teela always had the hots for He-Man, but treated Prince Adam like a fly who tried to get in her ear while she was sleeping? Teela, like Lois Lane before her, likes her men big and brawny and not one bit wimpy. Chances are, if you had a crush on this one, you now suffer from low self esteem as you more than likely imagined her teasing you about your lackluster seven year old physique.

6. Strawberry Shortcake

Short with a bad sense of fashion. But boy could that girl bake a mean shortcake. If you were after this little piece of ink, you probably now find yourself drooling over Paula Deen on the Food Network. Hey, it takes all kinds.

7. Jem

You've got to admire a girl who has her own groupies. Even if she is a toon. Jem has the ability to either be a bad ass rock star or cool, calm, collected businesswoman. Which is pretty much how most women are, right?

8. Rainbow Brite

This is another case of bad fashion. Not much for the color coordination, are you, Rainbow? But are you ready for the looks you'll receive when you take your multi-colored, inky girlfriend out for dinner at the local Chili's? I don't think you are, son.

9. Josie and any of the Pussycats

If Josie and her Pussycats were hanging around Hollywood these days, they'd be flashing crotch shots to the paparazzi and letting the porn tapes in their storage units get into the media's hands. Do you really want to be associated with that? Okay, so you do.

10. Velma

Overrated.

11. Wilma Flintstone

In a way, Wilma's every guy's dream. She puts up with outlandish pets in the house. She probably won't balk at a dude's hairy back. She won't get mad if you make a mess and refuse to clean it up. She doesn't need any sort of romance or imagination in her man. She's kinda boring.

12. Belle from Beauty and the Beast

A bookworm! She reads. She adventures. She doesn't take any bull. She doesn't want to live in a boring town with a bunch of numbskulls. Win.

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Alright, so perhaps I'm a little tougher on the girls than I am the guys. Who did I leave out? There were 17 dude crushes and only 12 chick crushes. Let me know who I left out and I may just rectify the situation. Maybe.

Comments

[Fortyseven]

Minerva Mink (Animaniacs),
Gadget Hackwrench (Chip & Dale),
Leela (Futurama),
Princess Allura (Voltron),
Arcee (Transformers),
Cheetara (Thundercats),
Lydia Deetz (Beetlejuice),
Sheila (Dungeons & Dragons),
Scarlett (GI Joe),
Cleo (Heathcliff),
Princess Zelda (Legend of Zelda),
Olive Oyle (Popeye),
Jeanine (Real Ghostbusters),
Steelheart (SilverHawks),
Princess Ariel (Thundarr the Barbarian)...

...yes, I'm very bored. ;)

[Kelly]

Whores. The lot of them.

I actually almost included Jeanine from The Real Ghostbusters. I don't know what stopped me. Probably Egon.